Yip Yap Times

Being John Kerry's Apology

On being John Kerry's apology:


“As a combat veteran,
(three long months of medal mongering and all I got was this lousy hole in my a--)

I want to make it clear to anyone in uniform
(you losers)
and to their loved ones:
(dregs of society, vote for me!)

my poorly stated joke
(puhlease stop, don’t tawk, go home, wind-surf, blow-dry your hair, anything just stop, stop it right now—GET OUT OF MY HEAD, IMUS!)

at a rally was not about, and never intended to refer to any
(stupe)
troop.”

I sincerely regret
(do you doubt my word, Klingon?)
that my words were misinterpreted
(what a bunch of stupids—we have a place in Iraq for them and for…...YOU)
(vote for me!)

to wrongly imply anything negative about those in uniform,
(Winter Soldier? I don’t know no steenkin' winter soldier)

and I personally apologize
(over the internet because the cameras just can’t catch my ‘sincere’ side)

to any service member, family member, or American
(Islamo-fascist jihadists rejoice)
who was offended.
(Sheez, thick enough for ya, Murtha? Now lets get down to the real reason I’m here)

It is clear the Republican Party would rather talk about anything
(like the price of oil dropping a whole bunch, inflation being under control, unemployment at 4.8%, the stock market breaking the all time record high that happened under Clinton, long term bonds rallying, the housing market still going strong, GDP continuing to grow thanks to the tax cuts)

but their failed security policy.
(David Limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh, Anne Coulter, Rick Santorum, David Horowitz, Rich Lowry, Sean Hannity, Lisa Mount and all the rest of you right-wing-nut jobs keep your doughy lips from flapping about how there have been no new terrorist attacks on our soil during the Bush administration. Oh, and for crying out loud, stop reminding everybody about Clinton’s policy of paying protection money to Kim Jung Il)

I don’t want my verbal (Freudian) slip to be a diversion from the real issues.
(like George Allen using a made up word to describe a pest on Jimmy Webb's staff. Profuse, humble and sincere apologizing is just a diversion from the real issues, like all you people being stupid. Oooohhh I botched it!)

I will continue to fight for a change
(I learned to fight in Vietnam, but I’m not here to talk about Vietnam, I won three purple hearts, a silver this and a bronze that in Vietnam, I jumped up and down to heave 'em over a fence. Vietnam, Vietnam, Vietnam)

to provide real security for our country
(like crowning the UN king over America)

and a winning strategy for our troops."
(note to self: learn how to play "Settlers of Katan")

posted by Lisa @ 3:25 PM